And
Suddenly
There
Within
The Darkness
Everything
Is
Clear.
The light of the universe
Is shining
Through me
]]>Storms Rage.
More questions
No answers.
Walls.
Searching
Everywhere
And nowhere
Never a meaning
To know.
Fragments.
Some kind of snail
Creeps along
Slippery, sliding, slimy.
It watches
A Butterfly
Flutter by
And wonders
What it is.
There’s
A pair
Of eyes
That are looking
But cannot see.
There’s
A seed
That’s trying
To…
Be…
But…
?
Nowhere.
Now
Here…
?
And suddenly
You can see.
The winds begin to still.
The floods begin to drain.
The pain subsides,
Because it was never there.
In the stillness
You view the wreckage.
There is nothing left.
So you rejoice.
In the stillness
You can see.
The storms will rage,
But open your eyes.
Let them rage,
But watch.
Eventually,
You will see,
This is
The storm before the calm.
It’s so easy to fall apart, to be lazy, numb, to complain… but the Truth is that Our Lives are in Our Own Hands. In fact, the whole Universe is In Our Hands.
So are we going to sit on our behinds and rape, destroy, consume the Earth that so lovingly Nourishes Us, or are we going to Stand Up and Accept that Everything is One, make a Change??
A Conscious Change.
Seize the Moment, Enter the Flow, Move Forward. Always in Faith. Move Forward.
We have a Choice.
]]>Did I mention that you inspire me?
]]>You choke
On the seeds of your choices.
The scars
Remain on your skin.
Like a disease.
The life-giving blood
Is drained,
Now giving death.
And all that is left
Is controlled folly.
But what folly
Can be found
In the cold dead eyes
Of an other?
from this site: "This work touches upon many subjects from the perspectives of System Science and Ancient Wisdom. It pivots upon four fundamental questions:
What am I?
What is the world?
What is happening?
What can be done?
This work utilises the parallels between information theory, system theory, quantum theory and mystic metaphysics, and results in a mathematically based scientific-spiritual-engineering paradigm"
www.arkofawareness.com/
from this site: "The images at this website are multilevel illustrations of some of the key realizations needed to spark the new awareness in the awakening mind and to begin the construction of the ark of awareness."
some truly captivating artwork and accessible info on awakening
www.thesynthetistmission.com/
from this site: "The search is on for a new type of being that has begun to emerge from amidst the human species. Latest reports indicate that they have begun to set up systems of teaching and training that enable others with the potential to access and enter their perceptual paradigm to do so too. They appear to be engaged in an intense search for others like themselves as they link up with each other to form a network that covers the planet."
some really useful articles and information are available as well
It's not just about being in your life. It's about seeing you live it. I'd still be happy if I had to live all my life outside your world, but watching you every step of the way. You wouldn't know it, but I'd be walking beside you and whispering in your ear all the things I so badly want to say to you. It's mad but tears are springing to my eyes right now as if there's something wrong. Or are these tears of joy? Joy because I can be happy knowing that I AM in your life, and I always will be. Joy because even if I never see you again, you're still with me. And we will never part. Not even in death.
The truth is, it isn't easy. It's not easy to be so far away, and it's not easy to be right by your side. Because the thing about you is, you're a question I can't answer. And I guess that's not such a bad thing except that it worries me sometimes. Not knowing. Not knowing anything at all. The idea of seeing you walk away, the idea of not seeing you walk away, the idea of living a life... like this... it's not easy. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope that what I see is not an illusion. Because this is the most real thing I know. The only thing that makes me feel truly at home. And that's why I say you're my home. The only home I've ever really known.
I may just sound like a lovesick fool, but it's really not that simple (though I'm glad it's not). There's just no sense in living a life that you're not in. What would life be like without hearing "P? Bernadette??" every once in a while? Or listening to all the recordings together (see see, you're a charter bugger)? Who would I get manyafied with, nyummies?!
It's weird not fighting over who does the dishes. It's weird eating chocolate alone. It's weird going to the loo without wondering if you'll suddenly barge in... When my phone beeps, my heart leaps because I think it's you, you're the only one who messages me usually, but it rarely is. When I wake up in the middle of the night, I feel sickened by the fact that I can't call you. I get a full night's rest instead! Going to work every morning just doesn't feel all that worth it when there's no one to lie down next to and slack off with.
Remember going on The Scrambler? You said you were afraid of heights, but you still had fun. And playing pool at that weird place where you nearly got into a fight with some guy? Very gallant of you. I remember seeing you for the first time since you'd returned, and jumping on you in front of everyone. I didn't care, what mattered was that I was home again. But nothing beats the memory of being held while you sang to me with so much love in your voice that it only made me cry harder. If I were to go on listing all the memories that pop up in my head, I would never stop writing. The life I've had with you has been nothing but magical. Blissful every step of the way, despite the rough patches and detours. I wouldn't trade a single moment of our life together, not even for all the Universe. We've discovered so many new things together, learnt and overcome so much...
Being away from you has actually helped me to understand you better. To appreciate you for all that you are, no matter how weird, no matter how difficult to deal with or figure out... It's made me see that you are the most beautiful creature I've ever met on God's green earth and beyond. You have made me so happy over the past two years, and you've given me the best memories of my life. And I hope with all my heart that we're going to keep making memories together for the rest of eternity.
I can't say that it'll always just be you and me, but I do hope that it will be. I like the way we work, and I really feel I've found what I've been looking for. I found it in someone whose heart is open enough to accept me for my deepest darkest secrets, and all my madness and weirdness. And I'm forever grateful to you for that. Love may not exist, but what we have is something that reaches far beyond the confines of mortal language. In our world, my heart is yours and yours alone. No one could ever have me the way you do. Separation is indeed the biggest illusion man could ever believe, but I've never come closer to oneness than I have with you.
Sometimes I do need to remind myself that you're always with me, but the fact is that you being so far away does make all the difference. So I'm waiting. Waiting until I can feel your arms around me again. Waiting until the South and West winds return. Waiting until I can go back home... Waiting.
]]>Things have really changed for me. So much that I feel like a different person. And this is one of those things. I have other interests, the kind that most people would probably find dull or stupid, or whatever their perceptions tell them. And now that I have begun pursuing these new interests, many people have realized that there is no longer any point in talking to me, because I am of no interest or use to them. Thankfully, the feeling is mutual, as I am naturally moving further and further away from most people.
I need this space, mainly because I need a lot of time to myself, to figure certain things out, and to do the things I need to do in order to move forward, something I never took the trouble to do before. Which is why I must add that I may not always be this distant. Things change. Often and fast. So expect nothing, and think nothing, for this is an important stage in my life, and I hope that you can respect that, and grant me the space, and more importantly the support and understanding that I ask of you.
No, I am not going through some major ordeal. No, there is nothing wrong. In fact, things are finally going right, and I can finally say from the bottom of my heart, that I am happy. But there are many scars and wounds yet to be healed, and the damage must be dealt with. Even the little things that seemed insignificant changed my life, even those things need to be put into perspective. Everything I have ever been told is a lie. And now I'm figuring out the truth for myself. Because who else on earth can you rely on at the end of the day? The only person you will ever find staying with you from your birth to your death and beyond is you.
After you learn how to crawl, you start learning to walk. You don't sit on your ass all day because it's easier than having to learn how to walk, you get up and try. Because you know that if you don't learn to walk, you won't be able to run. And I'm not here to sit on my ass. I'm not here to crawl, nor am i here to walk along. I am here to run. I'm here to "run with the wolves" (as a certain someone put it). And you know what? Nothing and no one is going to get in my way.
Thank you for your valuable time.
]]>What beauty we deny ourselves in our constructed lives, out of fear or mere ignorance. Deep down within all of us, there is a thirst for truth, a purpose, our own place in this infinite universe...
I hope that some day, we'll all be able to open our hearts, eyes, and minds, and discover each other for the love and light that we are, always have been, and will be forevermore...
]]>So where have I been? And what have I been up to? Well, I don't know where to begin. Last year things changed for me in a big way. I made many important decisions about my life, and instead of going (or even applying) to university, I left home and flew to India, to live what my mother calls a hippie bohemian life. I guess you could call it that, but I think I've got it made!
In India, even more changed. It was the slow awakening from a nightmare that some - in fact, most - would call 'reality'. I was waking up into another world, one of truth and opportunity. The awakening, of course, never ends, and to embark on 'a path with heart' such as this, is the rush of a lifetime. There is so much to discover, so much to see, yet we blind ourselves out of fear. Fear of the unknown, and the fear of anything that we are not accustomed to, anything that isn't 'normal'. I welcome the abnormal. It's the only thing that makes me feel free to be me, the weirdo that I am and always will be. And there's nothing wrong with that. We should all be free to be ourselves. People just need to open their eyes and see what is so plain to be seen.
You find answers only if you make the effort to look for them, only if you really want them. No one ever said things would be easy, and it never is, but that's what makes things worth the struggle. You gain so much more from something you worked hard to achieve than from something simple. And now I'm out here, trying to figure myself out, to discover the universe in all its glory. It's no bed of roses, but it makes me happy to know that I'm doing something worth doing.
There is so much to be gained from introspection, and I've found that through experience. It is fulfilling and inspiring, and the only thing you can ever really turn to. My awareness is growing in ways I never knew were possible, and the high it gives you is unlike anything you could imagine.
I've just changed so much! And things have changed for me! I'm happy! Really happy! Life isn't perfect of course, but it is ever progressing, and that's the best part. Unpredictable as it may be, my life is worth living, and I'm gonna make the most of it...
]]>My mind, my life,
Are in chaos.
Eye can see the future,
I know what must be done.
I've toyed with death before,
But all games come to an end.
Yet in the game of life,
There are no winners, no loss.
For those who cannot see,
I offer up my life.
This sacrifice is a sign
Of my faith, my love.
If I remain
Beyond my time,
None will find their peace.
This is for you.
With this ring,
I bind my life.
Condemned into solitude,
This is my only hope.
This war must end!
And now the time has come
For the gallows
To play their part.
With this noose,
I pray to God
To save us all
From me.
Wasting away,
Every single day,
Such pain is nothing you could know.
This madness,
This chaos,
They’re seeds that only I have sown.
I have no clue,
Teach me.
I cannot feel,
Show me.
I cannot forget…
Kill me,
For I don’t deserve to be.
Take it all away,
Rip my soul to pieces.
I’ll relive this day
Beyond eternity.
You wasted
Your hatred
On everything but me.
Now watch me
Destroy myself,
‘Coz now there’s nothing I can be.
Keep dreaming,
I’m screaming,
The nightmares will never fade.
Shut your ears
To my pained cries;
I’ll never fuck you up again.
All is gone,
So what remains?
The void,
The overflowing cup
Of nothingness.
Yet nothingness is a thing.
So if even no thing is some thing,
Then everything is nothing.
Nothing even really dies,
Nothing ever really begins.
Birth and death and mere transitions
Like water into ice.
So what is it to be?
Nothing. And everything.
All things are part
Of one, ever-turning wheel.
You, who call yourself
A child of God,
Are nothing but a hypocrite,
Born of ignorance,
Born of lies,
And caged by the
Dreams of blind faith.
You only believe
In what you hear,
Not in what you feel.
Don’t bow your head
In prayer for me,
For it’s you who needs to see.
Hypocrite,
How dare you judge me?
Angels sing and demons cackle
As their kingdoms clash on earth.
And the sole survivor beats
A tragic, lonesome drum.
On my scarlet planet,
The red seas part
To let the blackened hooves pass,
And the crimson sands ripple
As the bloody wings displace them.
The tree of life reaches in vain for some heaven,
Hopelessly sprouting from my own poisoned brain.
This soulless, immortal creature
Will forever be doomed
To a life alone,
Frozen in eternal death.
You were never meant to be,
And for tampering
With the course of the planet,
You must pay.
All those around you will pay,
And their deaths will lie
On your painted skull
Until the end of eternity.
You are at the mercy
Of chaos.
Now, you feed on our pain and tragedy,
As we leave a lasting impression
On a world that cannot care,
Will not care,
Does not know
Who we are, were,
Will be.
We live our lives on the deadened
Nourishment of language,
Being sucked lifeless, emotionless
By those that choose not to see.
And if language finally gives up,
We perish.
A poet’s one true tragedy
Is himself.
Beauty in everything and nothing.
I “love” you.
Fools weep over shattered glass;
We weep over fools.
The monkeys will only bring you down.
The sooner you get rid of them, the better.
Yama, Kali, Vishnu, Ram.
Brahma, Shiva, Indra, Himavan.
Sing to me a song of madness,
A song that speaks our language.
Divinity in all its glory.
Make love to my loveless core.
Breathe.
Love. Hurt.
Love.
Don’t speak, scream.
Look at what we’ve created.
Look at the path we’ve travelled.
And I leave you now
With this parting gift;
All that’s left.
And all that’s left are
The bites and scratches on your back.
life is more unpredictable than you realize. it is also more valuable than you realize. i urge you all to live each day as if it were your last. coz one day, it really will be. "Born we are the same," says Warrel Dane. and that's true. which is why all life is valuable. you could be a murderer or a nun, your life is still as valuable as everyone else's. maybe it's a weakness, but i think everyone deserves a chance at life. and we have the power to show them what they need to see. it's just a matter of doing it the appropriate way. you live until the day you die because you have more to do here. the day you die is the day your work is done. so until that day, everyone has a chance of turning their life around.
tell the people you love how you feel about them. because one day, you won't be able to. and if you have a fight with someone and don't intend to resolve it then and there, you are making a grave mistake. what if you never see them again? you'll spend the rest of your life hating yourself for letting your last words to them be "i don't need you". life isn't easy, but the fact is that you're here. so please make the most of it. you have no idea when you're gonna be yanked out of it.
there's a reason we have close shaves. even the little ones. tripping and almost falling... those are all little kicks from the divine telling you to keep an eye on yourself. to remind you that you have work to do and not to get distracted and trip up. sometimes you need a really big kick to see and to show others what needs to be seen. you won't get what i'm saying, but that's ok. i know it makes sense to me.
]]>